fake, fake, fake...
I may already have mentioned that one of the few listed corrugated iron buildings in existence (The Tin Chapel, built for Lady Byron's charity school in the 1860's or thereabouts) was recently demolished to make way for a luxury housing developement. Work is proceeding with little alacrity on these faux domestic revival monstrosities, but my attention has been struck by the disparity between the claims made by the advertising notices (nothing so vulgar as a hoarding, just an A0 artists impression and a blurb), and what is actually being constructed.
They claim to be offering a traditional house built to the highest standards and finishes, as the flagship building is made of stirling board (the cheapest form of plywood) and faced with brick and other 'traditional' materials like tiles. The roof is of synthetic slate, in a row of houses with pantiles, and the architecture owes nothing to the local styles, which, given the eclecticism of our housing stock, is something of an achievement. My favourite, though, is that I noticed on the artists impression that the two houses I have been being rude about both had chimneys (I may have fantasised about the curls of smoke). As the relevant walls are both effectively timber frame, with a brick cladding, there is no way of incorporating a chimney stack without substantial numbers of bricks, and a bricky who can do more than lay straight courses.
The roof is now on, but, much to my surprise, when the nottingham correspondent and I walked past the other night, there was a plywood former, and two bona fide chimneystacks being constructed. ON THE BLOODY GROUND! So I assume these will be hoisted up and glued onto the tiling somehow, and some unfortunate yuppy muppet will think he's bought a real house for his £450K until the night when he gets a bit pissed and falls heavily against the wall, at which point a) he will make a sizeable dent and discover it is made of cardboard toilet roll tubes, or b) there will be a grinding noise and the chimney stack will fly past the square bay window (wrong!) and embed itself in his 4 x 4*. I look forward to that moment with malicious pleasure.
*given the appalling condition of the roads in Ealing, I am beginning to come round to the idea of a 4 x 4, after all, the council bought one for the man who's in charge of street maintenance.
posted by Lampy @ 5/09/2006 07:28:00 pm
5 Comments:
Hello there Mr Lamps,
The thing that strikes me, on seeing the first picture, is that the chimney stacks seem to be two stubby hands giving us the finger. Is that gesture directed at the developers or the buyers? Or both? Presumably the illustrator was well paid for his/her work? Or is it only me seeing it that way?
James
It's a pleasing thought, I imagine that producing these anodyne artworks is a pretty thankless task.
I think the fact that the manager of the Parkman (or whatever Froggie name they have now) highways contract bought a Lexus 4x4 last year tells us all we need to know about the future of Ealing's roads.
JJ
Good grief . . . where are the Luftwaffe when you really need them?
A low flying jumbo is all that is required, and we get plenty of those. I'm quite amused that at the opposite end of the works (the site was originally a row of garages, with the tin chapel at one end) the prestige building illustrated is actually a sort of lean-to, and the illustration is of the solid georgian bulk of Byron House with this pathetic two storey faux-georgian shed propped against it.
Post a Comment
<< Home