the moving sandal wrote?
Into everyones life a little mystery should come, to borrow a phrase from my favourite woman; yes, but...When I got up this morning I could only find one of my sandals, these sandals have been on my feet for weeks, ever since the heatwave started. In fact, I also wore them when I was driving the truck down through France and Spain, and the temperature was over 38 degrees in the mountains. Suffice it to say, they are well worn in, and about the only comfortable thing to wear in this heat. Those who know me will know that I am very poor at achieving a standardised footwear placement, I scoff openly at the array of footwear racks in IKEA (whilst secretly being strangely attracted), and I do have too many shoes, however, I rarely kick off my shoes with such exuberance that I can't find one or other; I lose a pair or nothing.
So, against this background of tawdry distress, I searched for my lost sandal, after a spending a good deal of time looking, I had to abandon my efforts and get on with my life.
Imagine my surprise this evening, when I found my sandal lying in the flower bed in the front garden, somewhat chewed. Now, it may possibly have escaped your notice but it has been quite warm in these parts, and consequently I have had both the front and back doors open, on occasion I have had to evict curious cats, and later on in the evening, frogs, neither species I would have expected to have any interest in carrying off an item of footwear.
As a writer of detective fiction (of a sort), I am familiar with the concept of the crime scene, hence, in no order of probability, my list of possible suspects:
1) Cats, hmm, doubt it, Siamese cats commonly have a sock/wool fetish, but there are no Siamese cats. Upstairs cat would sooner swim the channel than touch anything of mine, even as an act of hate. Next doors cats do come into the flat, but don't touch anything, altogether too timid.
2) Dogs, there are no loose dogs round here, there just aren't.
3) Frogs, hmm, much persecuted (not by me), could this be a moment of frog anarchy, dragging a sandal outside and, oh, frogs don't have teeth, and aren't noted for co-operative ventures.
4) Slugs and Snails, now we're talking, real motive here, I really am out to get them, sadly concept fails for same reasons as 3).
5) Penguins, as I understand it hoards of mutant killer penguins roam the hinterlands of Hanwell and West Ealing, but so far haven't penetrated this far south into studentland, had there had been any serious sightings this would be the most likely option in my opinion.
6) Poltergeist, nah, don't be silly, this is a scientific investigation.
7) Foxes, now this might have something going for it; a) foxes were trotting with gusto all night, b) we keep finding chewed builders gloves(foxgloves?) in the garden, c) they do play and have depraved tastes.
I am forced to the conclusion that a fox actually walked into the flat and stole a sandal, while I was here (I don't leave the doors open when I'm out strangely enough), and in daylight. It must have been a vixen, or a cub, because I would have smelled it instantly otherwise, how mysterious. I hope the Ealing hunt don't get word, or they'll be wanting to ride quad bikes and packs of slavering and baying labradors* through my flat.
*apologies to labradors, if there was an Ealing hunt I'm sure in the interests of aesthetics they would all have dogs (not hounds) that looked right, their clothes would be fabulous, and they'd never catch anything worse than a cold (certainly not a street-wise fox, it would be much more likely to die of an MSG and cholesterol overdose, or an accidental collision with a four by four).
posted by Lampy @ 7/22/2006 10:48:00 pm
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